March 22, 2007 at 9:44 pm (Uncategorized)

How do we feel when one or both of our parents passes away? I often think of this as I get older. My mom and I have a great relationship and even though we don’t talk all that often, maybe once a month, I feel like I can tell her anything. She’s one of my best friends. My father, on the other hand, I’m not as close to. Since my father and mother split when I was a toddler, I grew up with with my mom and I never knew my dad until I was about 30 years old.

Now, I’m not sure if it’s the Aquarian in me or if it’s just a “Teri” trait but I don’t have the same feelings for my father and my other siblings. In fact, I can be downright cold at times. I would assume it’s because I did not grow up with them and, therefore, didn’t have a bonding relationship. Basically, I just don’t feel the love for them.

When the day comes for my mother to pass from this earth I know it will devastate me. She is the core of my being, my universe. I will feel like someone has ripped me in half. Is it because she’s my parent and gave me life? I don’t know but I know that I will cease to be whole once that day comes.

This past week, Mixednut, had to say goodbye to a parent. I can only imagine how that felt and my heart went out to him. It was also interesting to see some of the comments posted by others who shared the same feelings for their parents.

Not to be morbid but I’m a believer in preparing myself for the inevitable. I don’t like to hide my head under a blanket and act like it’s not going to happen.

If your parent passed away would it rip your world in half?



  1. Grant Miller said,

    I’m not one to get particularly emotional, but my mom and I were pretty close. Friends even. After the initial shock and saddness, there’s a great sense of freedom that comes when both parents are deceased. There was for me at least. But perhaps that same sense of freedom is, for some, like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.

  2. SushiBoy said,

    It tore me up for a long time after my folks died. It has forced me to be pretty independant. This independance can have good and bad aspects to it.

  3. N said,

    I can’t think about my mother dying. Yes, I know its inevitable and I don’t pretend it will never happen, but seriously, I can not handle the thought of it. A life without my mother would take some serious re-adjustment and would require some serious loneliness at times. It is truly unthinkable. I will just have to make do when it does happen.

    When my dad goes, I will be incredibly sad because I will be sad for the life he lived and the man he chose to be. I will be sad that I never got the Dad I wanted or deserved. I will be sad because no matter how many horrible things he does, he is my father and I can’t help but love him and crave his love in return.

  4. Sunshine said,

    I haven’t spoken to my mother in two years. So, that’s a toughie, I’m not sure what my reaction would be.
    As for my dad, our relationship is challenging in its own way but I can say, yes, I’d actually go to his funeral and be sad but it would not impact my life much, he’s been an absentee father for the most part for 30 years.
    Is it weird that I wish I would be sadder about their deaths? But I’d really be the most sad about the pathetic choices they made in their lives and how they could have had loving, wonderful relationships and chose not to.

  5. Dick Small said,

    Mom – it would devastate me.
    Dad – I probably wouldn’t even know (like my cruel governess would really call me and let me know).

    I have this morbid desire to have dad cremated, then flush him down the toilet… I know, that’s horrible. But I think about it. aLOT.

  6. Chris said,

    My mom and I talk often about what we believe about life after death. She is a hospice social worker and I was a hospice volunteer for a time, so neither of us are uncomfortable talking about death. Obviously, it will be like a kick in the nuts when it happens, especially if it’s sudden. However, I think that the fact that we’ve discussed it and know how the other feels, it may make the grieving process a little easier.

  7. ~ Stacy ~ said,

    My mother and I never got along well. For years and years we were like cat and dog, ya know. What one said, the other took offense. We just didn’t mesh.

    But lately, I’ve learned to look past all that and just see my mother. I do love and appreciate her. She’s a strong woman and I know that, (even though she wasn’t there for me emotionally when I was young), she always made sure that I had a roof over my head and food on the table.

    I do believe it will hit me hard when she passes. Losing a mother is the same as losing that one person who grants you unconditional love. Even though my mother and I don’t always get on so well, I know that she loves me. That’s a bond sorely missed once it’s gone.

  8. Shroom Monkey said,

    my mother and I are not close… I mean she is right here and we have never found a way to relate or to understand each other… has been that way since birth, I wasn’t the baby she wanted, I didn’t behave in the ways she expected, we just didn’t bond. My father was my tight compadre till my parents divorced and he started a new life. we barely talk now… I don’t know how I will feel when it happens.. I really don’t.

  9. Grant Miller said,

    Dick Small, I like your style. I really do. I think about doing that same kind of stuff w/ my mother’s second husband. Ah. Good times.

  10. Dick Small said,

    Thanks Grant! Maybe some day we can have a flushing party. You know, a proper farewell to our “loved ones”. Anyone else want to come, just let me know..

  11. Amy said,

    I’m kinda like Dick. I haven’t spoken to my “dad” in almost 6 years. I don’t even know where he is now. The last time I saw him he threw my house key at me and called me a bitch in front of my kids… so whatever.

    My mom on the other hand… I got a taste of what it would be like last May when my grandmother died. I was very close to my grandma all my life. I’m not saying it would be the same… hopefully I have a long time to spend more time with my mom (who’s several states away from me, unfortunately), and go shopping, and maybe take a cool vacation with, and laugh and cry and hurl.

    I’ll take all the pain and sorrow, because all the great memories and love will be what stands out in the end.

  12. Mel said,

    It did devestate me when my dad died, and I am still not over it. My dad had his faults but he was the best dad and granddad. I really really miss him. I am hoping its a LONG time before I lose her too.

  13. Just Dave said,

    You cannot prepare yourself for this. I thought that I was prepared for my mothers death but I wasn’t, even though we got fair warning of its coming. When it finally came, it was like a huge hole had opened up and swallowed me. Today, almost 8 years later, I still reach for the phone to give her a call.

    Mom always accepted me as I was. I was never really perfect enough for my father. He was distant and we really never connected. It’s funny to see that theme so consistently in the comments here.

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