Cat fight

June 10, 2007 at 3:33 am (Uncategorized)

My best friend and I had a huge fight today, our first in over 14 years of friendship.

This is what happened. First of all I’m PMSing and my nerves and tolerance for stuff is stretched really thin. This should have been my first clue that I should have locked myself in the house and not have dealt with people.

Cindy had FREE tickets to the Tweeter Center in Camden to see some country artists there for a concert promoting the local country stations 23rd year or something like that. I guess she really wanted to go to this concert, badly!

Now, I always have to wait for Cindy. When we’re scheduled to leave at a certain time, Teri is ALWAYS waiting. I guess my time isn’t worth much. This pissed me off first thing, which in turn, pissed off Cindy who is also PMSing. Now when I’m mad I get even quieter around people. Now she starts making excuses for why she’s running late. She got sunscreen in her eye. Well, she had been up since about 6:30 a.m. but did nothing to prepare for this all day concert until the very last minute but it’s the sunscreens fault. Whatever!

So we get in my car and start driving. She wants to stop at the drugstore to get me some Midol or something so I’m not bitchy. Well, just the fact that you’re telling me what to do, is making me more bitchy. Shut UP, already!

We get down to the Tweeter Center and she says there is a parking lot just for “handicap parking”, which we have a card for because she’s got a bunch of ailments that necessates this. She doesn’t know where the parking lot is but we ask two police officers and then another parking attendant, where we can’t park because it’s parking for the Aquarium. At this point, she keeps saying “I can’t understand why you are so upset”. Hello! Can we get directions to the parking lot? Can we not have to stop traffic to ask 50 police officers where we can park at a major concert with thousands of people walking around? At this point, we park in another garage, pay $20 to park and I ask her for some silence. She keeps babbling about paying me back the money, for my not wanting to be around thousands of people and hating crowds, etc. and I blow. I tell her it’s not personal for me being mad. I’m mad at all the situations but if she keeps babbling I’m gonna be pissed off at her too.

She then proceeds to tell me, while she’s crying, that I’m acting immature and when I can be an adult to let her know and she storms out of the car. She goes and sits and cools down. About 15 minutes later she comes back to the car, doesn’t apologize but proceeds to say she shouldn’t react like that. She then walks away again to make some phone calls and tells me to let her know what I want to do, go to the concert or go home. She also tells me that “she doesn’t want to press my buttons”. She comes back about 15 minutes later and I tell her I need to go home because I don’t want to keep fighting with her and I need to not be around people. This was the wrong answer, supposedly. She got bent out of shape, said she was “floored” that I gave this answer and proceeded to take her stuff and head to the concert while I went home. I told her to call me after the concert and I would pick her up but I haven’t heard from her.

There are many times I feel she is very selfish but very generous also. I think that since I don’t give her any lip and I’m pretty laid back that Teri never has an opinion and she can’t handle it when I do.

What are your thoughts, honestly?

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21 Comments

  1. Doctor Mom™ said,

    A scene I’ve seen before. The biggest mistake, since you asked for honesty, is you did agreed to do something that you are quite uncomfortable with in order to please a friend.

    This rarely turns out well.

    It seems like you started out with some negative feelings about going and it escalated from there.

    Your friend is notoriously late, as you report, this is not about how she feels about you, it’s her. There are some workarounds for this…. like say you’ll be there to pick her up 30 minutes before you really arrive (but mix it up so she doesn’t always know she has 30 minutes)

    Your friend really wanted to go to this concert, the best situation would have been for you to be honest with her earlier and decline. I have learned through similar difficult experiences, “Just Say No”– she would have not been thrilled with the answer, but she would have chosen someone else who would have been fine in that situation.

    On the other hand, she gave you the option to go home… she basically gave you permission, although she won’t see it that way because she’s not one to be honest either.

    What she really meant was “I want you to forgive me and come into the concert and try to have a good time”

    What she said was quite the opposite. She can’t say what she means.

    Oil and Water

    It will take her some getting used to it… but please recognize your own needs first before trying to make someone else happy and putting yourself in a situation where you will be miserable…then nothing works out well.

    You didn’t do anything wrong…and your friend doesn’t have another way to relate…her communication style is not straight forward.

    Take it easy on yourself, don’t beat yourself up about this. It will all come out in the proverbial wash!

    Once all of this is done. Find things that you really like to do and that your friend would also like to do (be careful, she doesn’t really say what she means) and choose your time together well so that it’s quality time.

    I’m sorry you’re feeling badly about this…please let it go.
    ((((HUGS)))))

  2. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    Dr. Mom – Thanks.

    I had no problem going before hand but as I continued to wait and she kept “pushing my buttons” it just escalated from there. I probably will decline going to future events with her for awhile.

    Since this is our first fight we also don’t know what to do with each other and how to communicate about it.

    I do need to stop doing things to please people though, one of my downfalls.

  3. Dick Small said,

    Wow.

  4. Dick Small said,

    …. well, sounds like you had a bad day, but at least you don’t have a dead squirrel in your wall.

  5. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    Dick – yeah, I think the dead squirrel would have been worse.

  6. Dick Small said,

    Oh and btw, Teri, YOU are TOTALLY right, and she’s just TOTALLY wrong! She doesn’t deserve a friend like YOU, she deserves a friend like ME. Just let me know, and I’ll knock some sense into her….

  7. Dick Small said,

    … or I’ll get Jen to kick her ass. Jen’s cool that way.

    P.s.: “What she really meant was “I want you to forgive me and come into the concert and try to have a good time””… yeah, right..

  8. Dick Small said,

    … what she REALLY meant was: “I was desperate and wanted a free ride, and I figured you were a sucker enough to just drop what you were doing on short notice and do whatever I want because you’re a wussy and nobody else wants to deal with me anymore because I’m a selfish, self-centered USER”.

    I promise I’ll say no more.

  9. Skylers Dad said,

    A couple of things bother me about this. She was late and is always late. Why do people just assume they can be late to things and that’s OK because that’s just the way they are? I hate that shit, it shows no respect for other people.

    And the looking for the handicapped spot thing raised my “spidy-senses” a bit. I know way too many people who abuse that system and take all the spots that others truly need.

    OK, off my high horse now…

    And by the way, two women who are PMS-ing should never be allowed to be in the same vicinity. It might cause a tear in the fabric of space/time or something!

  10. cheer34 said,

    PMSing together is the worst thing you can do. Call your friend and both of you say your sorry. So what if she is always late, you have put up with it for 14 years, and let an intense PMS day get in the way of a 14 year friendship. If always being late is the worst trait your friend has you should hug her and thank your lucky stars she doesn’t do any thing worse.

    PS: I agree with with Skylars Dad tho, most people who are habitually late have no respect for other people’s time. My husband is a huge offender, so I speak from experience. And some people are always late because they need to have the rush of the stress caused by being late.

  11. Skittles said,

    First I wanted to thank you for leaving a comment at my blog!

    Man oh man.. does this post hit home with me today! I had a private conversation and disagreement with someone and some of my blogger friends have gotten VERY upset with me because I didn’t tell them about it. Well, duh, it was private!

    Good luck in your situation and feel free to visit any time. 🙂

  12. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    Skylers Dad – “And by the way, two women who are PMS-ing should never be allowed to be in the same vicinity. It might cause a tear in the fabric of space/time or something!”

    I TOTALLY agree with you.

  13. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    Cheer – this won’t tear apart our friendship but it really hurt seeing her “evilness” come out. I’ve never witnessed this before and for her to say the things she said to me really hurt my feelings.

    Now I know what her daughter goes through when they are together and PMSing. Cindy is a “button” pusher and a hurtful fighter. I’ll try to avoid these in the future.

  14. metalmom said,

    Been there-done that! Wait until the hormones subside a little and maybe go to Dunkin Donuts for a coffee (and a public place!) Apologize for the fact that you had a bad day , and also point out that she hurt your feelings too, but that you understand because she was PMSing too. Also, throw in the fact that as friends of 14 years you both are entitled to at least ONE blowup! You can’t stay mad at each other because I’m sure you guys have some wicked dirt on each other!

  15. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    Thanks for the visit and the linky love, Skittles.

  16. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    metalmom – thanks for the visit and the comment. I will definitely wait until the hormones calm down but I’m going to be childesh and wait for her to contact me.

  17. Zed said,

    Be prepared for honesty. But please don’t shoot the messenger, I’m just trying to help.

    I agree with Doctor Mom to a point. Your friend should not be habitually late–I have a friend like that and it always makes me mad. And your friend’s not a very good communicator and does not say what she means.

    Wishing you the best outcome…

    But, Teri, this is a 14-year friendship. You called her your “best friend.” Is this friendship worth giving up over this incident? I don’t think so–could be wrong of course, but I don’t think so.

    You were, it seems to me, just as “unkind” to her as she was to you. You obviously hurt her feelings as well (just as she did yours), because she was crying and upset. You left her at the concert. Wow, I’d be incredibly upset if a friend did that to me instead of sitting with me and enjoying the evening. And as far as I can tell you haven’t called to see that she even got home okay.

    So you can choose to wait for her to call you, but I worry that you might be destroying this friendship by waiting. Is it really worth giving up? If so, then take it and push it off a cliff. But if you want to repair things, call. She needs to hear from you. You left her alone at a concert by herself. I don’t care what the reason was. Not a good thing.

    [I wasn’t around this weekend, so I’m just hoping that it has all been mended by now (Monday).]

  18. Zed said,

    See the line, “Wishing you the best outcome…”–that’s supposed to be the last line of the comment. I have no clue how it wound up where it is. Sheesh. 🙂

  19. mixednut said,

    Wimmin’… sheesh.

    That’s all I got.

  20. Teri aka "Peach Pit" said,

    Okay folks, I never said I was giving up the friendship. Don’t know where that came from.

    I also left her at the concert because she wouldn’t leave with me, she wanted to stay. I KNEW that if I stayed we would continue to fight because even after she cooled down, she didn’t like the fact that I was leaving and she continued to make smart remarks and blab about stupid shit.

    She was upset because I yelled at her because she wouldn’t shut up and she kept pushing my buttons, over and over again and making my mood worse.

  21. "that girl" said,

    ok … call it an a.d.d. moment, but i just couldn’t get to the bottom of this before commenting

    my friend tiffy is the same way …. we’ll have plans at a certain time and i know that she won’t be ready … i try to get there early so that i can assist as much as possible so we can get out the door …

    but then there are those unplanned things … we went out one night and i brought all my crap to her house, actually i may have just stayed the night before … anyway … i think i didn’t bring my straightener cause i know she has one … and low and behold, she can’t find it … wtf!! … off to target we go and the anxiety starts, cause i know we won’t get out of there in any reasonable amount of time … we are still looking at shirts at 830 and we are supposed to be where we are going at 9 … jeez

    point being … we are friends … i love her to death and somethings i am willing to overlook … that’s what friends are for … in my opinion

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