Mid life crisis, anyone?

September 2, 2008 at 1:28 pm (life issues, misc)

Finn wrote a post about age and mentioned those bad words “mid life crisis”.  When I was younger, I never understood why someone would go through this phase but I’m starting to understand it more each and ever day.  It almost seems that when you hit your 40s you start analyzing your life.  Do I have everything that I want?  A house? A significant other?  Kids?  And when you don’t have certain things, that you would like to have or think that you should have being in your 40s, you start getting a little depressed and you might start “searching” for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  It’s hard at times but I try to remember that if we just settle and never look for more, within reason, we become stagnant and complacent.  We never challenge ourselves if we don’t look at ourselves, closer.  So this “mid life crisis” could be a bad thing or a good thing depending on how you react to the situation.  I’m trying to make it a good thing.

Do any of you feel the same?

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17 Comments

  1. Dr Zibbs said,

    Thanks. Now I’m depressed.

  2. Skylers Dad said,

    My 40’s were not really bad about evaluating things, but 50 hit kind of hard. It came with many more aches and pains, facing up to the fact that we are not going ever be able to see an independent life for Skyler, and the realization that I am not ever going to be able to retire.

  3. Just Dave said,

    I am in my early ’60s and I know that there are things that I wanted to do but never will. However, I have come to terms with that and don’t have any real regrets. My only regrets in life are for those people that I hurt, even though I was a dumb-ass kid when the incidents happened. I just don’t seem to be able to recognize that I was a dumb-ass kid and forgive myself.

    Other than that, I am insanely lucky. I have a wonderful wife and we are still crazy in love after 37 years (this Thursday is our 37th anniversary). I have two children who have become good parents and citizens and two step-children who tell me that they see me as the only father they ever had or want. I have a nice home in a safe neighborhood. Although the aches and pains are there, I am in generally good health. I don’t know what else I could ask for so I will just be satisfied with what I have and pray for those with less.

  4. Teri said,

    Dave – I always wondered about the guy who had to get a motorcycle or leave his wife and kids for a 20 year old, a sports car and the life of a partyier? You are indeed lucky!

    SD – I feel your pain. Even dealing with a parent who gets older makes me stressed. You either have to have money to support the parent/child or you have to pay to have them in some kind of assisted living.

    Dr. – You’re welcome. : )

  5. coffeypot said,

    I agree with Just Dave (except the part about loving his wife of 37 years. I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting her, yet.) I too have been blessed with many things and people in my life. It is normal to look back and take stock of your life. Sometimes you will feel you have fallen short in some things, but if you look around you and see the love and stuff you have now, you may not have missed much. I always wanted to fly an airplane, but never had the extra tons of money it would take because I was raising a family. I could have made it happen, but to what cost? As it is, I have a great daughter and two wonderful grandkids. I’ll take them over flying any day.

  6. Teri said,

    Dave – happy anniversary! I can’t imagine 37 years!

  7. SushiBoy said,

    When I hit thirty I had some similar feelings. Have I done all that I can? Am I all that I should be?

    I decided I had been content to work and not finish that degree. I started the wheels rolling to get back into school. Going to school has been the mode to even more change. I’m much more satisfied with me at 31 than me at 30, We’ll see what happens when I hit 40. Hopefully more positive change.

  8. Falwless said,

    Since I am not ancient like all of you, I have no idea what you are talking about.

    (JUST KIDDING, JUST KIDDING)

    (I should probably save my smart-aleckyness for when we know eachother better, huh?)

    (Too bad!)

  9. Falwless said,

    I just read Dave’s comment and that really moved me. Thanks, Dave.

  10. Teri said,

    Falwless – I read your blog, I know you’re a smart aleck!

    Sushiboy – Good for you. Once I hit my 30’s I was always re-evaulating every few years.

  11. Williams Brother said,

    Don’t spend too much time dwelling on it. That is what makes it the crisis. The car, girlfriend or trip to Europe are actions not reactions. Carpe Diem.

  12. cheer34 said,

    I haven’t mid lifed yet…I know I am older (49)…but am OK with that…….I have gained wisdom thru the years, am a good person…..kind, generous and look to improve my faults……I have been happily married 25 years…..been with G man for 34 years….took us 9 years to get married…. have 2 fabulous kids……and a great life that I thank the gods, angels and spirits guides for….I should thank them every day but don’t….I will tonight…..I try to be positive with every thing……Live Love Laugh is my motto

  13. Teri said,

    Williams Brother — I try not to dwell on it. Too much negative in my brain is not a good thing.

    Cheer — you are one lucky lady. I can’t wait to have a husband and kids, therein lies my problem. : )

  14. thatgirl said,

    i have this little sign on my myspace that says “hello, this is your life speaking. you have no idea what you’re doing, do you?” and sometimes i really feel that way

    there are the days when i realize that i spent a third of my life with someone that still can’t do the right thing and i wonder … did i waste that time?? what would i be, could i be, doing

    but then i think … sitting here dwelling over it isn’t gonna help it’s just gonna make me feel worse … so go to your best friends, drink way too much, hug the porcelain goddess and feel even older the next day!!!

  15. Kat - Sassy Irish Lassie said,

    I have watched my Dad try and reinvent himself over and over and over that now… I am so over having my own midlife crisis. I think he has had enough for the entire family!

  16. Bubbles said,

    My mom used to call them the ‘funny forties’. She said that there is no avoiding them and they manifest themselves in similar ways. Infidelity, divorce, depression, sports cars… whatever. Anyway, I think I’m the classic example of funny forties, and I know my mom was right.

    Personally, I think it is a chance to get a fresh start, if you decide you need one. That doesn’t mean that the past was wrong, or that anything was by mistake. Everything happens for a reason. There is a purpose for our struggles – if we allow ourselves to look beyond our own internal pain and see a bigger picture.

    We are here to learn lessons – deep ones. The teachers come and hopefully the student is ready.

    For example, at one point in my life I would have seen myself as a complete failure and mess if I were a single mom. Now I embrace it and feel like I could never be the mother I am if I had not moved on. Our relationships are deeper and more meaningful, and I think my children have learned a great deal of good lessons about life because we went through it.

    Mid life “crisis” is what you make of it, I guess.

  17. Linda said,

    It’s good that you’re trying to work through this. I agree with Coffeypot that it is totally normal to evaluate your life — as your responses show, many of us do this and we learn and benefit from understanding and reaching an acceptance of our lives as they are, and the limitations we have because of health, family, money, and other life circumstances.

    The key, IMHO, is figuring out how to give ourselves what we need emotionally, rather than expecting a relationship with a partner or child to fulfill us. I have a friend who obsesses about wanting to have a man in her life, and I keep thinking that she is on a much better path when she reaches out to nurture herself with art, music, nature, reading, exercise, rest, healthy foods, talks with friends, etc. When we give ourselves the things that we love (and that are good for us), we become victors, not victims.

    Partners and kids may or may not become, or stay, a part of our lives. But if we can take good care of ourselves and learn how to truly savor what there is in our lives every day, I think the end-of-life regrets we fear will be replaced by a sense of joy that we were smart enough to appreciate what we had.

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